It's Time: an open letter to my baby sister who'll be starting college this week

Hey love,

It's 3:46am, and you're sound asleep underneath the blankets with the fan slightly on, just how your weird self likes it. It's 3:48am, because it took me 2 minutes to collect myself as my tears roll down my cheeks. I'm selfish, so selfish, because I don't want to let you go. Tomorrow morning we drop you off to Berkeley for you to start a new, exciting chapter in your life, yet here I am, yearning for tomorrow morning to take its goddamn time.

I'm incredibly enthusiastic for your journey the next 4 years, but I can't stop dreading the thought of driving back down to LA for 6 hours without your cheerful presence. I already feel empty and sick to my stomach imagining a quiet car that's not blasting your KPOP music for mom and dad to make fun of. A car where you're not eagerly sitting on the passenger seat to help navigate. A car where you don't look back at me to roll your eyes after mom or dad makes a slightly non-traditional comment. A car where you're not trying to sing in Korean and trying to convince me to like the song "Hola Hola."

It's 4:12am and the only sounds I hear are the ticks of this stupid clock, reminding me of my impending fate. Reminding me of how each moment I've shared with you has been so preciously beautiful. Reminding me of how soon you'll be off to make your own memorable moments with other people... So before you take your first step toward adulthood (yikes), as your older and obviously sage sister, I want to share my top 10 suggestions in regards to your college experience:

1. Don't be in a rush.

To make friends, to find yourself, to get through the inevitably difficult times. You'll realize soon that parts of your life will slowly fall into place when the timing is right. Please don't worry if within the first week, month, semester, or even year you feel lost and terrified that you haven't "found your place." It took me 2.5 years for me to finally feel comfortable and adjust to college vibes. You may have a completely different pace, and that's okay - respect everyone's timeline. This is a process you have to endure and cannot rush.

2. You may feel anxious, stressed, and depressed within your first year, but you are not alone.

It's unfortunate that many students will feel helpless at some point in their college careers, yet at the same time it's somewhat comforting to know you're not alone in your struggles. Homesick? So is the floor-mate next door. Feeling lonely? So is the student sitting three seats away from you in lecture. Anxious about making friends? About your future? Or depressed that college isn't going your way? Reach out, love. To your loving sister or parents, to your closest friends, to your RA, to your professors or TAs, to your academic advisors, or to a therapist. Let yourself be heard because your thoughts and emotions matter. Allow yourself to be helped. Please trust others to genuinely listen and care for you and be unashamedly vulnerable in opening up. No one will judge your feelings of inadequacy or mistreat your trust or view you any differently other than as a brave and honest woman. So be bold, my love.

3. Everyone is faking it.

This I promise you. No one is sharing their failures or rejections or feelings of inferiority on social media, because everyone's newsfeeds are littered with "achievements" that they hope will falsely portray them. You're going to feel as if you've hit rock bottom. You'll definitely question your place in society. You'll suffer heartaches and face times when you genuinely don't think you can push through. Around you, you'll see peers easily managing multiple clubs and work and a social life and stellar grades and a relationship while you'll think you're just not cut out for college. But babe, everyone is struggling with something, whether they show it or not. Don't trust first impressions, because once you get to know your peers personally, you'll realize that their seemingly "perfect" life is as big of a mess as yours.

4. Take time to courageously explore.

I'm eternally grateful for the time I've thus far spent at UCLA, because despite all the hurdles that have truly challenged my perception of who I thought I was, I've been developing my inner confidence, my bold style, my quirky personality, and my visionary passions. I genuinely feel so comfortable in my skin and where I am now and I know that that wouldn't have been made possible if I didn't take the risks in introducing myself to all types of people despite the fears of rejection, in audaciously reversing my career path halfway through college from premed to data science, in anxiously trying out clubs way out of my comfort zone, or in unbiasedly tasting new food, attending events, and seeing places I wouldn't have chosen myself. Stepping out of my comfort zone used to always paralyze me with anxiety, but now it's become a challenge that I dare myself to undertake. With practice, you too can feel fearless in exploring beyond your comfort zone, where you too can eventually develop your identity.

5. Be yourself; don't change your identity for others.

You'll be surrounded by thousands of peers. If you don't mesh with a few dozen, who cares? On to the next dozen, hun. Cut out toxic people from your life immediately because you have the flexibility of replacing them with people who give you strength, empowerment, and undying love and support. Don't question whether your personality needs to be changed when you feel uncomfortable around people; those people are not your people, so don't force a fake identity to make them so. Be confident that who you are is pretty damn awesome, and your confidence and charm itself will magnetize others toward you.

6. You will fail, and it's important for that to happen.

You may get Cs in classes in which you put your hardest work. You may have to retake your major classes. You will definitely struggle through concepts and will probably spend some nights studying just to fail a midterm. You may get rejected from clubs. You might even suffer heartbreaks from people you thought were reliable. You'll definitely feel inferior to your peers at times, and you'll naturally ask yourself whether you're capable of pursuing Computer Science at Berkeley. You'll face mental breakdowns often because managing the responsibilities that come with college's freedoms will daunt you. You'll feel discouraged and possibly hopeless about the aim of your life, but I want you to know that these struggles are vital in building up your strength and faith in yourself. Life isn't meant to be easy because the tribulations you face shape your core identity. You may at times feel lost in your misery, which is when I encourage you to seek help and guidance, because sometimes all you need is perspective to show you that once you arise from your misery, you'll have all the tools required to face any kind of obstacle that comes in your life. Have faith in yourself that you're intelligent and completely capable enough to emerge from your distresses as a strong woman.

7. FOMO exists, but you'll learn to prioritize.

The "fear of missing out" on social activities has been a rampant worry for ages. Sometimes you'll have to compromise on a fun activity that everyone seems to be attending so that you can make your 8am in time the next morning. Or you may have to put a cool event on the backseat for the final exam you have in two days. You will learn to prioritize what matters the most to you in college and you will learn to say "no," which will garner respect from peers who will see you as taking your academics seriously. You'll have hundreds of other chances to see other exciting events because college is a very happening and adventurous place.

8. Balance your studies with spending time with friends.

I kind of mislead you in the last post, because although academics are important (that's the main reason you're going to college...to earn that degree), don't miss out on memories for that small GPA boost. You could lock yourself in the library and study all day and get all As, but the only thing you'll walk away with at graduation is a piece of paper that states you've earned your degree. Balance that time with friends and activities and let that GPA slide slightly for memories that can't be recreated. Networking and people skills are actually more important than just grades, so the 0.2 GPA difference is meaningless if you can walk away with a support system, an identity, and the confidence to pitch yourself.

9. Listen to your body.

Please know that your first priority is always your health. Grades can be made up or classes retaken, but your mental health takes time to recover. Listen to the needs of your body. If your body needs a day off for self-care, so be it. If you need to cancel plans last minute because you aren't in the mood to socialize, so be it. Respect the needs of your body and know that everyone's body has different needs and that your needs itself are constantly changing.

10. These may be the best 4 years of your life thus far, but they definitely don't need to be "the best years in your life."

Sure, you may never again be surrounded by bright peers your age or have the convenience of hanging out be this easy, but these 4 years are equally as difficult; you're learning to become an adult and growing into your identity, and that transition is painful. It's going to feel frustrating to feel stuck or to feel you have no life purpose or feel that you're not cut out. You're figuring how life works within these 4 years, and that's definitely not so "fun." College is way more hyped up than it needs to be, with the standard college image of partying and alcohol and drugs and hook-ups and staying up late with friends and going on endless late night adventures corrupting our minds to the point that you'll think you're "not doing college correctly." Don't buy into that falsity, and just live your college years without doubting yourself.

Anyway, it's time. It's now 5:52am and I finally am accepting of what's about to happen in a few hours. College is a rite of passage that I know you need to experience in order to become fully self-aware and ready to dive into becoming an independent adult. And I'm so proud of you, nugget. Your remarkable accomplishments have led you to this point, and I know you will be just as successful in creating an impact at Berkeley as you have in the LA community. And although it pains me still to realize our main form of communication won't be in person and that when I go home on the weekends I won't be greeted by your bubbly face, it's touching to feel so affected and to know that I've had this beautiful honor of knowing and loving someone as breathtakingly extraordinary as you. Your go-getter attitude constantly inspires me to do my best and attempt new hobbies. I've never known someone as versatile and talented as you - someone who can draw, sing, dance, act, cook, write, play so many instruments and so many sports, yet still remain so humble and respectful and kind and warm and ambitious and friendly and grounded. You're one of a kind, kiddo, and I love you wholeheartedly for being uniquely you.

I'm about to snuggle up next to you again underneath the fan and the blanket (aka with your temperature-confused body), and I absolutely know that in the morning you'll hate that I've posted this long letter, but I want to publicly appreciate you and share how much you mean to me.

It's time, babe.

With bounds and bounds of love, Your emotional sister who can't stop rambling <3